My life feels kind of like a Rubik's cube

Greetings friends!

It’s been some time, hasn’t it? Well, I hope you’ll read on and give me your thoughts at the end of this blog. God has really been bringing some things to my mind recently and writing it out just seems to help make more sense of it. What are the things I’m being made aware of, you ask? Well, you asked for it! Here is the revelation:

I can’t fix myself. Shocking, huh? But believe it or not, I can’t fix my personality flaws, my problems, my issues – good, bad, big, small, I just can’t do it.

Now, to some of you out there this is basic knowledge and if you know tons and tons about this you can skip on to SCL right about now. I won’t be offended! Really! But for those of you who struggle with this like I do, read on.

Here’s the deal – as much as I’d like to think I have some basic Christian thoughts and doctrines down (you know – grace, love, the basics!) I just don’t! This is puzzling since I have been going to church all my life and tend to error on the “I know it, I learned it when I was 5” side. Hmm… sounds like a certain religious sect…. Anyways, God is awesome and is changing me – thank Him! But since I “know” so much about good, biblical behavior, you would think I would be able to fix myself and get things under control, right? Wrong. When I try, it looks something like this:

Problem: Eating too much
Inner Monologue: “Use self control, Jessica – don’t eat too much!”
Result: I saw cookies. Enough said.

Or….

Problem: Gossip
Inner Monologue: “Don’t text, hang up the phone Jessica!”
Result: Well, at least I have unlimited text…


And the list could go on and on… So do I ever really solve my issues? No. No, here’s what I’ve found fixing myself to be like: a Rubik’s cube. Do you remember those? Little plastic cube with different colored squares on all sides – craze of the 80’s? (Side note – I once had a Rubik’s cube pen, coolest pen ever! That pen got me through Algebra 1. Both times.) Ok, so here’s the deal – there are 6 colors on the cube, and your goal is to try to get every side of the cube to have only one color. I can remember playing with the toy at my Grandpa’s house. It was fun (well, it was the only toy AT my Grandpa’s house) and I could get almost ALL of one side white!! Right then I would move to conquer the color Yellow on this thing, and before I know it – I check to see my progress expecting to see 2 sides of SOLID color, and what do I see? The white side is all messed up again!

Well folks, THAT is what it’s like when I try to fix myself. Right when I think I have it together, I realize I don’t. Thank God that He is so merciful and kind. His mercies are new every morning. He is faithful to keep us and help us. We don't have to do this on our own. We can try to fix the cube, but nothing is going to really happen. But God? If we let Him take over, well He can do more in 30 seconds than we can do in a lifetime. God is THAT big and THAT powerful, and He cares THAT much.

Just a thought for today….

You have time - Hit The Bullseye!

I have a confession to make. In high school I wasn't exactly the best in P.E. I was picked strategically for basketball games...until people figured out "tall" didn't mean "good". And I always had friends to walk, er, run with during our mile warm-ups. Ok, ok, I wasn't that bad - I'm just not all that athletic.

One particular memory of high school sports was standing in the outfield -wayyyy out field - during a game of softball. The game was going for quite some time and, finally figuring the ball was never going to come my way, I drifted off in my own world of thought before thinking, "Wouldn't it be crazy if someone actually hit the ball out here, right to me?" And guess what happened. THEY DID! I looked up to see the softball flying through the air, riding on the wind, headed straight for my outstretched glove- and then the blazing sun blinded me, and the ball landed somewhere beside me. Yup. That's my experience with high school sports. But there was this one time...

We were in the in-between season of sports. Not time for football. Not time for volleyball (which I am actually decent at). And not time for basketball. This was time for archery. On first glance I thought - archery? How boring! And boring it was, until we started shooting. Shot after shot I did pretty well, almost always hitting the target, and quite often near the bullseye. After a few weeks as we were nearing the end of our archery time, we had a shooting contest. We backed far away from the targets to see who could shoot the arrow from across the field. We went through the whole class, one at a time - a few hitting the target, and everyone else hitting the grass. And then it was my turn. I drew the arrow back. I pointed the arrow into the sky, and I shot. The arrow curved in a graceful arc (no really) and fell down right on the target - I HIT IT! It was a perfect shot!! To this day I have no clue how that actually happened, except God may have had mercy on my poor athletic skills and helped me out.

So what does this have to do with anything? Well... We're getting into the Fall season. It is the time where things slow down, the summer party has ended, and holiday parties are around the corner. Things get slow, we settle down, and before we know it the new year will be here. So my point to ponder here is... are you on target? We have 3 months left until the end of the year. Almost 100 days. Are you on target with the goals you hoped to accomplish by now? And how much closer can you get to them in the next 100 days? It's just a thought. So often I cop out and just quit at this point, waiting for January to make another set of New Year's resolutions and goals for the year that I don't quite reach. But why not keep going? Why not recharge and charge on, now? Just do it. You can do it. Hit the bullseye.

I Know What YOU Did last- wait, what I did THIS Summer

Picture courtesy of http://www.ci.seattle.wa.us/

Hello, hello friends - it has been awhile! As Labor Day weekend draws to a close I can safely say that Summer is over. I hope your Summer was as fantastic and eventful as mine. I am truly TRULY blessed by my loving God, and I learned a few things this Summer among my adventures. Thought you might wanna hear about some of them...

Here a few things I learned over Summer:

- Water rafting is FUN.

- River water flows a LOT faster than it seems, and rapids seen in rivers from the freeway are MUCH bigger than they appear once you're next to them.

- If a movie on the beach is advertised as a FREE MOVIE ON THE BEACH!!! Know it's not really free...

- I now know the amount of High School football, soccer, baseball, volleyball, drill, knitting, ceramics, and basket weaving teams in the state of Oahu who have won awards. Oh please let me share the story...

- I have learned that sneezing on tourists is considered rude and unwelcoming - especially if they are from a different country.

- I have learned there is no way to explain "accident" when sneezing on tourists from a different country.

- I have learned to carry Purrell.

- I have learned I can DANCE!!! And it looks something like a 90's white boy...

- I have learned that the walking distance from the freeway to my house is over 3 miles.

- I have learned to use a carry-on with wheels.

- I have learned that when red lights on slurpee machines have signs posted saying "Do Not Use When Red Light Is On" - they aren't kidding.

- I have learned to not put tortillas in the toaster oven for more than 30 seconds.

- I have learned to put out a fire.

And last but not least....

- I have learned that Summer in Seattle is gorgeous and WONDEFUL - thanks to the grace of God, my friends, my family, my church, and Full Tilt Ice Cream.

She's baaaaack!

Hello faithful readers!

Sorry it's been awhile - it's been a busy summer!

Keep a lookout for upcoming blogs. I hope to update you soon on mentorship (just what you were wanting!), a hysterial story involving 7-11, summer travels, and the movie "Field of Dreams".

Hope everyone is doing well! What have you been up to this summer?

Whose life are you pouring into?

It is so easy to live life in isolation. Sure – you have people around you, but how many people are you in real relationship with? Intimate relationship? And not intimacy in the way of sexual intimacy – intimacy as defined by closeness, or someone you can truly be yourself with. It’s more important that I thought.

Recently, I’ve been thinking about mentorship, leadership, and some other issues and I have come to a conclusion:

Everyone should have someone who is pouring into their lives, and everyone should be pouring into someone else’s life. Call it mentorship, call it whatever you want – but everyone should have it.

Let me explain.

First of all, you don’t know everything there is to know.
And second of all, you don’t know everything there is to know.
Since you don’t know everything, doesn’t it make sense to talk to other people on a routine basis and give them permission to speak into your life? Here are a couple of tips that I think will help this process:

1. Find a mentor. Mentorship is not a “club” thing. It happens one on one, it happens within the same sex, and you usually only need one mentor. Two? Maybe. But usually one will suffice.

2. Seek God on who this person is in your life. This person you allow to speak into your life has to be a Godly person you’d want speaking into your life. You’re not cutting all others out. You’re just letting someone else more “in” than you normally do. This person should be older, and often significantly older than you. One year, two months and three days? Not what I'm really meaning. But whatever- ask God. Also, this person is not your mom, not usually your family, and not your best friend. This is someone on the outside with a different perspective – and part of what makes this so beneficial. Ask God to reveal who this is – and if it’s Him, He’ll open the doors to forming this relationship.

3. Be a friend. “Mentor” is not a synonym for “counselor” or “therapist”. This person is a friend who will tell you like it is, and tell you things other friends won’t. So love this person. Care about this person. They’re taking time out of their lives to share their care, concerns, prayer, and wisdom with you. This relationship is not a one-way street – so share the road and be a blessing to this person blessing your life.

4. Know that God is in control, and you don’t have to “make” anything happen. So you don’t see anyone around you of “mentor” quality right now? Don’t freak out – just pray. God will send the right person at the right time. Your current mentor is moving away, or things just seem flat - like they've emotionally moved away? Ok- people are in our lives for a season, maybe their season is up. It's ok. Or maybe you really want to be a mentor to someone younger than you – someone laid on your heart? Pray about it. Just because you’re ready to mentor, may not mean they are ready to be mentored - so remember that. I’m starting to learn that prayer can do so much more than we realize. So take it to God. See what doors he opens. And if nothing else – if there is no platform opened into this person’s life for you to speak, don’t give up on the prayers! They do so much more than you can imagine.

Well these are just a few thoughts. I may write some more on this subject – it has really been on my heart lately.

J

Feeling stuck?

What's a cloud got to do, got to do with it?

So the other day I'm checking out the fabulous view in the window of my Seattle apartment, and I am struck by the clouds. On this clear, SUNNY day in Seattle (I know, I know, but it does happen, praise the Lord!) I get a wonderful view of large white, fluffy, cumulus clouds. This great weather has been going on the last few days and when it does I find myself sitting on the couch, beverage in hand, watching the clouds go by. I like to sit for a few minutes and just relax as I watch the shapes come and go, and view the trees swaying gently in the breeze. But on this particular day, there was a glitch:

The clouds weren't moving!

The trees branches were moving. I could feel the wind blowing. But the clouds were not! Still as still could be, I felt like Evie from "Out of This World" and wondered if I had touched my two index fingers together, and if it really did stop time. Alas, it turns out I do not have time-stopping super powers, and I soon realized what the problem was. (This is rather important you see- for it was very distrubing to see clear evidence of wind, but no movement in the clouds!)

The problem was my perspective. The clouds weren't moving left to right, or right to left- because they weren't being blown that way. The clouds were actually moving toward me. I was at such an angle that it simply appeared that he clouds weren't moving at all, because that was the only way I was seeing things. It reminded me that sometimes, we simply need to reposition ourselves.

When you feel stuck - Oops - you probalby don't ever feel that way. Ok, so, when I feel stuck this is a good reminder for me to reposition. Get a different view on things. And usually, a great place to start is to get out of 1st person mode, and start focusing on some other people. (Of course God should always be our first focus, and if He isn't I tend to find that's the source of my feeling "stuck" in the first place...)

It's just good to know that things are always moving. They're never still, they're never not going. If you don't know that, or can't see that, you will start to feel stuck in your situation. So get out, and get some good (Bible-based) perspective. (A bottle of Jack is not the perspective I'm talking about here!) Where do you start? I don't know, I'm not God. But I'm pretty sure if you ask him, he'll be more than willing to let you know.

It's SO NOT fair - but it's So, So, Wonderful

I am just really caught by Gods love for me today.

I don't know half of it. I don't know half of a smidge of it. But I know a glimpse of it, and even a glimpse of it blows me away.

It's not fair, you know. It's not fair that a perfect God sent his only son to make the way for me to live with him forever in Heaven. For those of you who are new to Christ, or perhaps not a Christian at all this concept can be hard to follow. It's hard because it's hard to visualize. Want something to help you out? Watch the movie "Man On Fire", and pay attention to the very end. Then it will start to make a little more sense.

God is so good, that he loves me like NO other. No wonder Jesus said that we would know if people are his followers/disciples by their LOVE. Because the love Jesus gives is unlike any other. Even if you choose to reject him and go your own way, he STILL loves you. God help us choose your love ALL the time.

P.S. Olympic blog is canceled. It was fun, if you want to know e-mail me for details. New blog to come soo, though. Love...

I MAY never eat Jack-In-The-Box again...

I MAY never eat Jack-in-the-Box again, and it's not their fault.

You see, today I had an appointment with my personal trainer at the gym. It was several hours after work, and I found a creative way of not going home and killing time (getting my nails done) so I had to get fast food for dinner. I'm sure you can sympathize. So I did. I had Jack-in-the-Box. Their dollar menu rocks, and they're pretty tasty. So I felt no shame. ....Until I went to my training appointment.....it went something like this:

Trainer: Hey, Jess! Let's run 1/4 mile on the treadmill.
Me: Ok! *runs* (Note: the term "runs" is used very loosely.)
Trainer: Ok, let's do weights. *Walks to weight area, gives me exercise to do*
Me: *Does weight routine. Get's too tired. Stops, and says I'm too tired*
Trainer: Jess, what did you eat today?
Me: I ate good, Trainer! I had fruit, a protein shake, a whole-grain wheat sandwich, *ahem*Jackinthebox, lwo-fat yogurt, and an orange.
Trainer: So what you're telling me is.....you had Jack-in-the-Box.
Me: *tiny voice* Um, yes.
Trainer: Was it good?
Me: *tiny voice* Yeah...
Trainer: Ok Jess, let's do squats.
Me: *inner monologue* Noooooooooooooooo!!

So we go over to a standing squat machine, and Trainer told me to do 10 jump squats.
Me: Ok. *ouch* Ok, done.
Trainer: *laughs* NOPE. Do 15 now, like this.

AND ON AND ON. It wasn't just 10 squats! I did over 40 squats for that tiny jack-in-the-box meal. My legs burn. I had to hobbeled up the stairs to get to my apartment tonight. And although I'm currently sitting down on the floor, I don't know exactly if, when, or how I'm getting UP.

Dear Jack,

Your tacos are tasty. But not worth it. Sorry.

Love,
Jessica

Cotton Candy, Churros, and so much more!!

Hello faithful readers,

Long time no post, I know. Watch in about a week for a blog on my trip to the Olympics. I can't wait to tell you all about it!

But before then... let's talk about food!

No, no - this is not a blog about cute recipes. (Although I do love those!) This is a quick blog about my family trip to Disneyland, and a thought I've had since then.

Some of my family were able to take time off work and take a short trip to Disneyland. There were 5 adults to escort 1 six year old on rides - it was quite fun!! We all had a blast going around the park, talking, riding rides, and eating - because who doesn't love amuesment park food?

Now my family may have a quirkly practice concerning food while at Disneyland - We eat lunch around 2 or so... and then usually don't leave the park and eat dinner until 8! (Does anyone else do that?) In the meantime we'll snack and the 6-year old's mom will have brought her healthy snacks. But we (the remaining 5 adults) each managed to pick a different amusement park favorite and snack on it at some point during the day. We'd each share some with my little niece, not thinking anything of it, to help finish off our big, yummy snack. It was a great plan! ...Until we got to dinner.

Dinner was a great meal at a sit-down restaurant outside the park. Us adults were practically ravenous for our food, but my little niece barely pecked at hers. I couldn't understand how she wasn't hungry until we reviewed what she'd had to eat.

"Well she had corn dogs for lunch, and a granola bar later."

"I gave her some of my cotton candy."

"Well, I gave her some of my popcorn."

"Really? I thought she'd like some ice cream..."

And the list went on and on until we realized she had ate some of each of our JUNK FOOD snacks - cotton candy, pretzels, popcorn, churros, ice cream, and whatever other candy bits and pieces we had partaken of. No wonder she wasn't hungry!

Fast forward to today... I'm taking a couple minutes to pray this morning. And I do mean a couple of minutes. I just don't feel it lately. So I ask God to help me. I feel like I'm just not hungry for him. The Bible is clear- those that WANT God, get God. And you can ask Him to help you want Him more. But God isn't going to force Himself on you. SO I'm wordering why I just don't feel hungry, when I feel God impress upon me that - just like my little niece - I'm not hungry because I'm filling up on junk food.

I don't have to go deep into the implications of junk food for you to get the point- it tastes great immediately, but there's no lasting value. So in the same way, I have been neglecting to put God first in my life. I'm skipping on the Bread of Life, but gorging on the junk- things that might not be all bad, but need definite moderation. TV. Music. Even hanging out with friends or going to movies. They're not bad- but they have a place and an order. Popcorn isn't bad, you know- as long as it's not your main diet. Just like these other things. Friends are not my source- my strength, my peace. Those come from God (2 Peter 1:3). And yes God uses people- but first and foremost, I am ministered to by God in prayer- not by friends. Not by food. Not by TV. Etc. Etc.

So I thought I'd share this with you. I need to take another look at my time diet, and see when I'm spending my time on... I want to be hungry for what really satisfies and sustains me- the Bread of Life, Jesus Christ! (John 6:35)

Tiger Woods and Jesus - A thought on Apology

Today was the day Tiger Woods gave his public apology for cheating on his wife in 2009. I watched the whole statement, and I was struck by many different emotions...

I tried to evaluate if Tiger was sincere, or sorry he got caught...

I felt sad for his wife and kids...

I felt mad that Tiger had put his family through this...

I felt slightly relieved that Tiger had seemed to "come to his senses" and realize that his actions were wrong. That there is such a thing as wrong actions. (We don't hear that much today in our society).

I was proud of him for admitting his mistakes, and not shifting blame.

But most of all, I was thankful.

Thankful??

Yes, that's what I said. Thankful.

When Tiger addressed the crowd, he made a steady stream of statements all starting with the phrase "I." Tiger took full responsability for his actions, and there was no one to defend him, fight for him, or take up his case at all. He was guilty, and he knew it, and he didn't make excuses. He knew he had done wrong.

As I watched this I thought about Jesus and what he did on the cross for us. If you don't already know, Jesus died on a cross over 2,000 years ago in YOUR place, so that if you choose to accept him today as your Lord and Savior, and live for him, you will be saved from eternal death, or Hell.

Now, we're free to sin. It's our choice. But sin seperates us from God, and though we think we can do things and God doesn't see, we're wrong. He sees. But there's another problem. The Bible says that Satan is constantly accusing us before God, pointing out and reminding God of our sins:

"God, did you see her? Look at what she did. She lied. She's a liar. She doesn't belong in Heaven."

"God, did you see him? He's looking at porn. That's lust. He doesn't want to be with you!"

And on, and on he goes, pointing out all our sins and failures....

BUT JESUS.

Jesus stands in the gap for us- he is constantly pardoning our sins and staying, "It's ok, she's mine. I already paid her price (when I died for her 2,000 years earlier). I paid her ransom." "That guy? He's mine. I paid his price. You can't have him either."

AND SO..........

I know that at the end of the world as we know it, when it's time to look at our actions and be judged, I will stand like Tiger Woods and admit everything I've done wrong. Every person I hurt. Every lie I told. Every lustful thought. Every gossipy word. And none of my friends can stand up for me, deny my actions, or justify them. Me, and everyone else, will know what I have done, and will know that I am guilty. BUT JESUS. I am so thankful for Jesus. You see, I accepted Him as my Savior. (I actually like to call Him my Hero. Hero's save people after all, don't they?) And Jesus saved me. So when it's my turn to get in front of everyone and admit all my sins, all my screw-ups, all my transgressions, Jesus Christ will stand up for me and say - Yes, you did those things, but I paid your price, and you are mine. Well done, good and faithful servant.

I am so thankful for Jesus, and so thankful that he is my advocate before the father. Without Jesus, I don't know where I'd be.

What do people outside of church, think of church?

*To all my friends who don't go to church, feel free to comment and give me your thoughts!
*However, to all my friends that are involved in church, this posting is more or less aimed at us

Check it out....

A friend posted this video on facebook.
Take 3 minutes and see...

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=314593513992

The comments that got my attention the most were "hypocracy", and "The church isn't about being up HERE, but down *here*."

The first comment grabbed my attention in that I have to ask myself, am I a hypocrite? Do I DO what I tell others not to do? I'm honestly a little afraid to answer that. It really makes me look at what I do... Awhile ago I gave up watching a few TV shows. It's hard not to watch them when I'm at home and bored. But if I have made the stand that I'm not going to watch those shows because of their content, then I can't watch them when I'm bored. It's hard, but I've made up my mind. If not before, than definitly today. I don't want to be a person that turns people away from church, and ultimately Christ, because of my actions. I'll be honest, I've been there, done that before, and I wish I could fix it, but I can't go back in time. So what else? Are there things in your life that you "preach" at others as the standard you should shoot for but you're not really trying to reach it? Am I?

The second comment that grabbed my attention - wasn't that powerful?? For some reason, in our human nature, we think that status or attention defines worth. We would all like to be the president of a given company, but in reality, it's the 90% working force that DOES the work of that company. The president is important, but the point is that we all have a part to play. Take it back to church; working to be seen doesn't really help anyone. Real work and real change takes place at the ground level- not at the top. So what about me- am I working to be seen?? If so, then I'm contributing to the problem... Real love and real care for people is what causes change- from the ground up. Or you may even say, from the inside out.

Does anyone else have any thoughts on this? This video really hit me. It hit me because I know I need to work on doing what I SAY I'm going to do. And working for the good of others, not to be seen.
Definitly something to ponder on...

I ate 2 Twinkies, 3 Hot Dogs, and a Quart of Ben & Jerrys...

How is everyone's 2010 going so far?

Ok, so what were everyone's resolutions? And how are you doing with them?

Now that the month has calmed down a little bit and we're all starting to settle back into our routines, let me take a minute to encourage you.

At the end of 2009 you probalby spent some time reflecting on where you were (then) and where you want to be at the end of 2010. You made some resolutions you knew you wouldn't keep at all, and you made resolutions you knew you should keep...and probalby could if you tried. (How do I know this? Duh! 'Cause that's what I did.) So, this is our opportunity. It takes 3 weeks to make a habit. You're already starting your new routines, whether you know it or not, so I encourage you to pick 2 of your resolutions and tackle them! Start with 2. It may seem like that's too small, but 2 resolutions finished is better than 5 attempted but not finished...

So what are your resolutions? Think about them, and plan for a way to start them in practical ways. I'm pretty bad at not following through with resolutions, but I want to change this year. So here is some of my "to do" for now:

Resolution #1 - Read more books in 2010.

Plan? One night a week is designated as a NO TV night. Not for my roommate, not for the whole house, just for me. And that's not "night to hang out with friends" night either. It's one night, after work, where I can go home, do things I need to do, and spend an hour or two (maybe?) in my room (NOT guilting my roommate for her watching TV, being whiny that I can't) and reading a good book. Not too overwhelming, not hardcare. Just something simple that I can implement into my busy schedule.

Resolution #2 - Shed some pounds in 2010.

Plan? This one is much easier written than performed. Because it is so hard for me, my first step (remember you can 'add to' and modify your resolution plans) will be fairly simple. It is to start a food diary. Write down every thing I eat throughout the day, including calories, protein, and fiber.

So not bad, huh? So pick a resolution, map out a (simple!) plan, and start step 1 of it today!

Happy January, everyone!

Please pray for Joel Dawson!

I received an e-mail this morning to pray for a little 7-year old boy. It said he had cancer, and after two years of fighting it the doctors say there is nothing they can do.

In an age where so many e-mail forwards are passed all around - some real, some hoax, I confess have gotten a bit cynical. I wondered if this was one of many e-mails that caused people to panic, or simply pass on false e-mails for "pennies per e-mail", even though this one looked pretty genuine. Sure it is from a "friend" of my friend. But isn't that how hoaxes start?

So I went to trusty Snopes.com to verify the rumor... I can't explain how much my heart sank when I didn't find anything. It's not a hoax, it is true, this cute little guy is only 7 - my NEPHEW is 7- and doctor's are giving him no hope.

Please lift him up in prayer.

The original e-mail I received said this:

"Joel Dawson has terminal cancer. Two-years of treatments at the best hospitals have not helped. He has been sent home for nature to take its course. The prayer request comes from my friend who know I believe in the power of prayer. Here is the quote that my friend forwarded from Joe's grandmother....

"I thought the words thing I ever heard was my grandson had cancer. I was wrong. The worst thing I ever heard is there is nothing more that can be done for him."

Please keep Joel in your prayers. God is a HEALING God! There is nothing impossible for Him!

iPhones, HDtv, new laptops-- Oh my!

This is a short article from Walk Thru the Bible, that I wanted to share. It is written by Gabe Knapp of Microsoft, and published in 2006 by Regal Books.

"Be still and know that I am God.." Psalm 46:10

http://www.walkthru.org/site/PageServer?pagename=LGW_1001_Article1