I promised you a blog on surfing, and here it is! Warning: this is very random and has possibly no relevance to anything today.
So just for kicks and giggles… I went to the beach a week or so ago and happened along a guy sitting in a fold-up chair, holding a sign that said, “Surfing lessons $10- 2 hours.” I should have known right then- or at least read closer.
So I think about it, and I figure- ten bucks? Let’s do it. Let’s be adventurous! The last time I surfed was 10 years ago- it was awesome! It was great! It was also in groups- for fun and safety alone that’s just BETTER! But ten bucks, me and a surf dude? Sure.
So I walk up to the guy, give him my money, and we walk to the board rack to pick out a board. I’m pretty tall, so the board I got was pretty big, but the guy offers to carry it for me, and that’s cool. I’d come to find- guys have more upper body strength, so when he carries it, it just LOOKS easy- it’s really not!
So we’re walking to the water and I’m explaining my fear of sharks, jellyfish, sand monsters- you know, the usual, so he can tell me that none of the animals (or mythological creatures) exist within a mile of where I am, and therefore calm my fears. He assures me (could aslo be referred as “lies to”) but I feel better, and we head to the water. Just as I think- ‘Awesome! I’m NOT a wuss, and I’m going to have a blast surfing-this is so fun!’ the guy drops the board in the sand near the water. Um…. and that’s it. He says, “Ok have fun! See ya in 2 hours. Just leave the board here when you’re done and come and get me.” And he walks away!! Um… What part of “surf lesson” is this?? What to do! What to do!
So I put on my leash and dragged the board to the water a few feet away as my mind scrables to remember paddeling technique- until I realize I’m directly in front of a reef wall, and there is no WAY I can take the board out there. So I try to pick up the board, which is amazingly heavy, I don’t know how people in those old movies walked with surf boards on their heads…. I’m just sayin’. Anyway, after I discover I can’t pick up the board, I grab the nose and try to drag this 11 foot beast through the sand toward clearer water. I get about 20 feet before I have to stop. And yes, yes the beach is croweded. I grab a seat and wait for a minute while I rack my brain trying to remember surfing rules, look for an opening in the water, and try to decide where I’m least likely to get hit by other surfers when I paddle out. It’s at this point that I actually look at the shoreline. The waves are breaking on the shore at around 3.5 – 4 feet high! What?? After realizing this, I start to wonder how I can even get IN the water without getting slammed by waves- with a captive audience to observe me- and paddle out into crowds of surfers. It’s at that point that I abandon my surfing mission. Boy, I feel lame.
I was so embarassed! I picked up the board again to try to drag it back to where it had been dropped off, but realizing I was now dragging it in front of a surfing school stand (which I probalby should have gone to in the first place), I drop it and leave it there. I went back to my “surf lesson” guy and tell him where the board is…. but he freaks out that I left it in front of the surfing school and made me walk back with him and carry it back. It was crazy! All that said, I have learned 4 things from this experience:
1.Watching shark week on the Discovery Channel is never a good idea before going to the beach.
2. Don’t buy (even cheap!) surfing “lessons” from guys in folding chairs on the beach.
3. Build upper body muscle if you don’t want to look like a dork while surfing… or walking your board to the beach.
4. Maybe the sand monsters aren’t that bad after all…
That’s it. I’m off to tan.
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